


A Unique-Thinking Individual Surely Matters

by pastel_x_tea



Category: The Masked Singer (US TV)
Genre: (/j), (there is a reference to it), A long list of alliterative insults toward Jenny McCarthy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Joke Fic, Religion, actually i changed my mind this is the greatest literary work known to man, if you're looking for serious fic you've come to the wrong place, infinity war references for some reason, literally just a joke fic there is no substance here, literally just straight cringe all the way through, no gore or anything just Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_x_tea/pseuds/pastel_x_tea
Summary: The Rabbit's most riveting performance yet changes the panel's lives forever.(This is literally just a crack fic I made for shits and giggles. Will I write seriously for this fandom? Probably someday. But until then, this is what y'all get. Enjoy!)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	A Unique-Thinking Individual Surely Matters

The stage was prepared beautifully for the night’s main event. This wasn’t the only performance of the night, of course, but by far the most anticipated. This artist was one who managed to keep the judges guessing week after week. Each performance a new piece to an ever-growing puzzle that had once seemed so simple. A country con whose rapport with rap and electro liaison rendered him untraceable. _Unguessable_.

The Rabbit.

People had their thoughts, but in the moment, the show’s premise was abandoned. Instead, all eyes were focused on the stage. The preparation was quite a sight. Rather than themed dancers, the show’s bodyguards were instead called upon to bring out props. And in front of the audience were two objects covered with black tarps. The tarps seemed to suck in any light in the already-dark room, and also were a sink for attention.

He always packed a surprise. But just what had he thought to bring today?

The judges shifted anxiously in their seats. Not a negative anxiety, mind you. It was more of an anticipation. They exchanged nervous glances between one another, Nicole already beginning to tear up, as she did during every single performance in every single episode.

Without even an introduction from Nick Cannon, the Rabbit silently walked out onto the stage, head twitching in his trademark fashion. A hush had fallen over the audience- they dare not cheer, lest they miss whatever the dark carnival master had in store for them that night. His sneakers clunked along the stage as he took his place between the two tarps. He looked out onto the audience, and everyone in the room could feel the harshness in his gaze. 

And with one final head twitch, his song began.

The gentlest cymbal rattle and swell of music played as any remaining light around the audience dimmed, leaving only a single spotlight on the masked performer. The Rabbit launched into an awe-inspiring rendition of [the Halo theme song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jXTBAGv9ZQ). Despite being only one person, he managed to turn his voice into the entire choir section of the song, his chords echoing around the sound stage.

Nicole fell to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Maybe a gamer? Like, a streamer?" Robin Thicke remarked douchebaggishly.

The panel was once again stunned into silence, however, as Rabbit began to extend both his arms towards the two tarps. His hands hesitated there for a second, fingers flexing, as the crowd sat on the edge of their seats. He was truly devoted to his "magician" act, as the crowd could clearly see. He kept them in suspense for only a few moments more, just enough to send their minds racing with possibilities.

Then, in one swift motion, he pulled away both tarps.

To his left was a white poster. In simple, bold black letters, it read "Vaccines work." To his right was a similar poster, emblazoned with the message "Support and protect autistic people."

Jenny McCarthy didn't feel so good.

Everyone's gaze turned knowingly to the pandemic-spreading personality, the smallpox superstar, the fever-running figure, the measles megacelebrity, the ableist ace, the pertussis-ridden, pediatrician-persecuting patrician. To be read so thoroughly, so eloquently, on her own TV show... and by a man in a glorified fursuit, no less. It was too much for her to take.

She began to disintegrate as the fellow panelists watched on in horror. Rabbit, unfazed, continued singing, steadfast in his message. Particles of Jenny rained down upon the stage and the crowd like confetti as she turned to dust. The soundstage was now a Level 4 biohazard. As Jenny disappeared piece by piece, never to be seen or heard from again, the song faded to a close.

A shocked silence gripped everyone in attendance.

But one person began to slowly clap.

Ken Jeong rose to his feet in a solo standing ovation for the Rabbit. "I know exactly who this is," he bellowed, now stepping up onto the judge's table itself to declare his guess. "This is obviously God himself. Welcome, God, to The Masked Singer. We are so honored to have you."

And Ken Jeong was right for once.

Because that Rabbit...

was Joey.

Motherfucking.

Fatone.


End file.
